Fine Line between yes and no

 DISCLOSURE: I am not an expert on sex; just a woman sharing bits & pieces of what she and some of her friends have learned in life. Feel free to email me if you have specific questions or want me to share your story on the blog. Don't be shy someone else might have gone through/is going through the same exact things you are going through. If you don't ask you will never know :)

       Alright lets get to it shall we? This one is the one a lot of guys are touchy about. When do you know when you are getting the green light or red light? This is so complicated for some people and it shouldn't be. Yes is YES and No is NO! When you are not sure what signal you are getting dude just go with NO. You don't want a situation where someone feels like you took advantage of them.
      Fortunately or unfortunately we live in a world where when a girl says she wasn't a willing participant in a sexcapade you can get arrested and charged if she reports to the police. No sensible person wants to be in this position. Here are a few tips of how to avoid this mess.

  • If she is tipsy/drunk do not mess with it! This is  one situation where signs are very difficult to read because one or both of you might be drunk. Because guys are typically considered the stronger sex if signs are read wrong in this situation  the guy is usually the one to get blamed. 
    • Ladies be responsible for yourself! Know your alcohol tolerance limit and do not pass it. You do not want to wake up to a strange man beside you and you don't want to feel violated!
  • If you guys have already crossed all the bases and you both are naked and she happens to say NO at this point, brother you better take her word for it. Don't try to cajole her into it.....ok let me be realistic a brother is still gonna try lol. You can ask her one or two more times just to make sure but not in a way that will pressure her. Do not say things that will make her feel bad i.e why did you let us get all the way to this point before you said NO? well duh maybe she thought she was ready but realized she wasn't. Women are known for their indecisiveness so guys please bear with us and deal with it.
  • Ladies be responsible and considerate! If you already know you are not going to have sex with someone please do not get them to the point where they are all hot and heavy for you and you decide to change your mind. It is unfair to them! I am not saying do not change your mind but some people do this as "teasing". There are some certain bases that once you cross there is basically no going back. Let all your teasing stop before all your clothes come off. Don't be that girl.


  1. Hi Folake,

    I enjoyed the moral instruction within this post. Indeed, a person's "NO" should always be respected.

    Well done for sharing. :-)

  2. hahahahahah. "ok let me be realistic a brother is still gonna try lol. " you got that right.

  3. This is great. Dont know why guys dont get it when you say NO. That is when you hear all types of crap like "let me just put the tip in. its not the same as full sex".. SMH..

    1. Hi Lara,
      LMAO at "let me just put the tip in". Don't mind them, so please what is it if it is not sex?

  4. I'm so glad I read this article. My boyfriend (or ex) tried to convince me to have sex with him. When I started dating him, I was about 16 years old. Our relationship lasted for about 4.5 years then he decided to leave me. He said I was boring, too much of a tomboy, he said he doesn't feel the spark anymore... he said so many mean things to me. it's been over a week and I tell you, I'm miserable!!! He was my first boyfriend, first kiss etc. I feel so used cos I was so vulnerable. We has our amazing moments I won't trade for the world, but we also had terrible moments. In the last 5 months, he was trying to talk me into having sex with him and sleeping over in his apartment, travelling down to see how without my parents knowing etc. Since I declined these things, he started acting weird and cranky(although he'll apologise later). Less than 2 weeks before he broke up with me over an argument which could have been forgiven(i know I was at fault), this guy was confessing his love for me. Telling me how much he still loves me and how he'll do anything to make me happy. He said so many sweet things to me that night, I couldn't sleep. Lol
    We still had our arguments and all. The thing here is that a lot of girls are around him and they're ready to sleep over in his house and have sex with him. His friends told him that he is "dulling" by staying with me cos I don't give him any "action". Due to this, he started finding faults and picking fights with me easily. He sha broke up with me and I've been sooo miserable since the break up. I've decided never to contact him (but I stalk him). I pray he misses me for real so he'll call me back and we would get back together. I hope he knows I loved him for real even though I didn't show it(because I didn't have sex with him or sleep over or stop being a tomboy or do all that stuff).
    I'm so hurt and heart broken because he left me. As hurt as I am, I'm so happy that I didn't have sex with him even though I loved him deeply. If I had sex with him just to make him happy or to make him stay, I'll probably have committed suicide (no jokes).
    I'm very sorry I came here to rant. I'm just depressed and I really needed to talk to somebody.

    1. Hey,
      I am sorry you are going through all of these, from what you wrote it seems to me that you care about him. Sometimes caring about someone makes you want to compromise your values even though it is not necessarily the right thing to do. I think it also safe for me to assume that you already know what you want to do about the situation and you are just looking for validation that you are making the right choices. Well, here is my two cents; don't compromise yourself just to please someone else. Do things because you genuinely want to! You sleeping with him because he wants to have sex will not necessarily keep him around. If he truly cares about you he will wait till you are ready. Don't let the situation still your happiness, it is okay to be sad just don't let it consume all your time. Go out and do the things that makes you happy.......XOXO


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